Gray Days
by Swftrain
Summary: Moving on isn't always as easy as it seems, love conquers all but that doesn't mean it doesn't come with struggle.
1. Chapter 1

Short Story: Gray Days

*Disclaimer: I don't own anything, least of all Good Witch. Just playing for my own sake

The house was quiet. It was the first thing Grace noticed as she rolled over in bed. Her clock read 7:15. While that was still early for most people on a Saturday morning, it was unusual not to hear her mother in the kitchen. Grace spared half a thought that maybe her mother was outside with Sam instead of in the kitchen. That scenario had recently begun to be as familiar and comfortable as her right arm. So, without another thought she crawled out of bed and began to head downstairs. Halfway down the hall something made her pause. She slowly turned and looked at her Mothers closed bedroom door. An uneasy feeling was crawling its way into her chest.

Ok, Mom's door is closed, she thought. Unusual, but not unheard of, especially after the insanity that this week had brought. But still, maybe her door was just closed. She was probably outside with Sam or in the living room reading, or potting plants in the alcove. That had to be it. But as she crept down the stairs the feeling of unease intensified. It was eerily quiet in both the living room and the alcove. The kitchen held the same result as the sinking feeling grew into a fully blossomed pit in her stomach. Everything looked as it had last night when they went to bed.

Laying her hands on the kitchen counter Grace closed her eyes and tried to sense her mother.

Nothing. No happiness radiating from outside or any other part of the house. The only thing she could pick up on was a heavy ache suspiciously coming from the upstairs family bedrooms. Opening her eyes and heaving a sigh, she set out to make tea, resigning herself that today might be a rare gray day.

Honestly, now that she thought about it, she supposed it was only a matter of time. She had never really thought about how few days like this there were. As she grew older she began to recognize how well her mother hid her pain and grieved in silence, keeping her emotions hidden. Since her father had passed away, she had been so consumed by her own personal grief that she often forgot that Brandon, Lori, and especially her mom, had lost him too. They all had bad days missing him, but whenever it was any of the kids her mother always knew how to help, be it in silent support, a hug, or sharing happy memories. But when her mom showed her grief it came in the form of a haunted and blank stare or a sad smile. It was very rare for her mother to let her emotions be visible to anyone for more than a minute. As the months and years had passed, Grace, Brandon, and Lori were private witnesses to a few rare occasions when Cassie let her grief shine through. They referred to these as gray days, the days when the grief and longing latched on and was unforgiving.

"You're the only one down here? Mom's door is still closed." Grace glanced up as Lori wandered in the kitchen. "Have you seen or heard her this morning?"

Grace shook her head and sighed. "I am afraid today might be a gray day"

Lori sighed too as she leaned a hip on the counter watching Grace make a pot of tea.

"We were probably due, especially after this week. It's been a long time since we've had a gray day"

"Yes it has" Grace agreed. "We probably should text the others as a heads up"

Lori silently nodded and picked up her phone, sending out a quick coded text to those in the "need to know" circle, knowing everyone would respond quickly and do what needed to be done on a gray day.

Grace strained the tea she had been brewing and began to prepare a tray to take upstairs. Unsure what, if anything, her mother would want to eat this morning.

"I don't think she is going to want to eat yet Grace" Lori said as she watched Grace search for something to put on the tray. Lori's phone chirped with several responses, Abigail would mind the store, Stephanie would make lunch and dinner and deliver them this afternoon, and Brandon and Tara would be over in an hour. All essential gray day members reported in, taking on the duties necessary to get through today. Lori fiddled with her phone and glanced at Grace.

"Should we tell Sam?"

It made Grace pause. Her mother's relationship with Sam was complicated for several reasons and she honestly didn't know how to respond. Would her mother want Sam to see her in her grief for her deceased husband? They have been dating quite a while now but Sam had never been privy to a gray day. And before today, he hadn't been considered part of the "need to know" circle that came with this particular family pain.

Lori watched Grace as she stilled her movements. Lori knew this might be challenging and she also, honestly, didn't know what to do. Though gray days were rare, they had been happening for years now and they had a system. Sam added a new cog to the machine, a different dynamic, and she wasn't sure of the outcome.

But as usual, fate had plans unbeknownst to them as Sam stepped through the back door at that moment.

"Good morning girls! It's a beautiful crisp morning out there! Where's your mother? I figured she'd be half way through her daily chores by now"

The girls shared a look and neither spoke. Resting her hands on the counter and sighing a little, Grace looked up at Sam and gathered as much courage as she could.

"Sam." She paused to glance at Lori. "Sam" she tried again. She didn't know what to say.

Thankfully Sam picked up on her unease. "Is everything ok? You guys look like something is wrong"

"No we are ok. Everything is ok" Lori answered "Its just going to be a difficult day I think" she said gently "mom isn't up yet."

Sam glanced between the two girls again. They didn't look panicked but there was pain. He'd never known Cassie to sleep in. She was up with the sun everyday without fail.

"Anything I can do?" he asked quietly, unsure of the issue but if Cassie wasn't out of bed, something was indeed wrong "Is she ok? Is she sick? I can take a look at her."

"No, no" Grace shook her head, "she's not sick. She's ok. Kinda." She glanced at Lori, "its just a gray day. She will be ok." she repeated.

Sam kept quiet and just observed the girls. She wasn't sick but something was up.

"Are you sure she's ok?"

"She will be" Grace repeated, "I'm going to take her some tea and she'll need a few hours but she will be ok." Grace picked up the two mugs of tea she poured, "check in this afternoon Sam, something tells me she'll be ready by then." She gave him a slightly watery but gentle smile.

"I'll call Brandon and Tara. It might be a photo album kind of day," Lori offered, "I'll get them caught up and be up in a few."

Grace nodded and turned to head upstairs.

"Lori?" Sam questioned quietly.

Lori shook her head, "She's not sick Sam but I don't think she is ready to see you yet today. Maybe by this afternoon"

Sam began to feel uneasy. Not ready to see him? Did he do something?

"Did I do something? Is it me?"

Lori shifted her weight, "you didn't do anything and its not you directly but it is related to you." She paused, "just give her a few hours. Like Grace said, maybe by this afternoon she'll be ready. Just," she smiled, "give her a little time and space. It'll be ok Sam. I absolutely promise."

Sam didn't know entirely what to do. The girls were being quite cryptic and though something seemed to be really wrong, that apparently may have something to do with him, it didn't seem as though the girls were willing to let him see Cassie to find out. And they seemed to have it handled; he could be patient he guessed. He took a breath, "ok. Well I guess give her a kiss from me and I'll check back in later. But Lori, please call me if you, or she, needs me. I'll just be at home" he turned and headed out the back door with one glance over his shoulder.

Lori watched him go, a small smile on her face. They were lucky, she thought. Their family was close and they supported each other through everything, no matter what. And she knew Sam was close to being a full time member, already ready to support in any way he could. She sighed and began to fix breakfast for George and the guests, waiting a few minutes to call Brandon and update him on the plan for the day. Today was a gray day, but that was ok. They loved and supported each other and Sam, their new element, might just make this gray day easier.

Grace gently padded up the stairs, concentrating on not spilling the tea in her mugs. Just as she reached the landing George came out of his room and stopped mid stride. Silently he noted the two mugs of tea, her direction of travel, and Cassie's closed bedroom door. His face fell immediately and he stepped forward to press a kiss to Grace's temple, "gray day?" he asked. Grace nodded; she knew Lori would fill him in when he got downstairs. Giving her cheek a gentle pat he turned toward Cassie's door, "Give her a kiss for me" he whispered as he opened the door for Grace.

Grace nodded quietly and stepped into the master bedroom as George pulled the door shut behind her.

Her mother, her beautiful, strong, independent, loving, extraordinary mother, lay on her side in the middle of the bed, curled into a pillow, wearing her father's old college sweatshirt. Normally she was the sunshine in every room, the brightest star wherever she went. While she still radiated light and love today there was a large gray energy encompassing the entire room. She was awake, Grace knew that, but Cassie didn't stir.

Quietly Grace padded across the room and placed the mugs of tea on the nightstand. She turned toward the bed to see her Mother's deep brown eyes watching her.

"It's a gray day momma" Grace whispered as she pulled back the covers and slid into the bed, snuggling right up to face her mom, giving her two quick kisses on the cheek murmuring "from me and grandpa." She gazed into her mother's eyes and gave her two more quick kisses, "from daddy" she paused and took a chance, "and Sam."

Lying nose to nose with her daughter Cassie closed her eyes and sighed. Grace thought she heard her mother mutter, "my baby" before she slowly slid her arm around her daughter, pulling her to her chest. Grace closed her eyes and relaxed in her mothers arm, content in her presence. Today was a gray day, but the sun would come out later, she just knew it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

George quietly entered the kitchen seeing Lori working on breakfast and speaking on the phone, it seemed, to her brother.

"Yes Brandon. Yes that sounds good. Could you please ask Tara to bring those albums too? It might be an album day. I'll probably already be upstairs but just check in with Grandpa when you get here. Ok, see you guys in a bit." Lori hung up the phone and glanced at George as he settled into a bar stool.

"I saw Grace upstairs with tea," he reported, watching Lori.

Lori nodded in comprehension. "Yeah, a gray day it is"

"Honestly she's probably been due for quite a while but I'm not surprised this week put her over the edge" He picked up a piece of toast Lori had placed on his plate.

Lori paused for a minute and looked at George, "Sam came in a few minutes ago looking for her."

George paused the toast halfway to his mouth, "what happened? What did you tell him?" George said, knowing this could be complicated.

"Grace and I told him she was ok but would need a few hours before he could see her. He was concerned but seemed to understand, said to call if we needed anything."

George nodded, Sam is a good guy he knew, Cassie had been really happy since they started dating. He is hoping this gray day doesn't derail anyone.

"Grandpa, can you finish breakfast for the guests? Brandon and Tara are coming over in a bit. I told them to check in with you. Maybe send some food up with them? Maybe she'll be up to eating something by then."

"Sure honey, no problem. Go be with your mom" George nodded, and stood to take over the eggs Lori had started in the pan.

Lori smiled, handed over the spatula, gave George a kiss on the cheek, grabbed a book, and headed upstairs to join her sister and her mother.

The room was quiet; she didn't hear any voices coming from Cassie's room as she approached. Gently she eased the door open and was greeted by the sight of her sister and her mother snuggled into Cassie's bed, both eyes closed, just relishing in the comfort of one another. Lori stepped into the room and felt her heart ache, filled with love for her family. Cassie opened her eyes and silently watched Lori as she walked over to, and climbed into bed behind Cassie. Lori leaned over Cassie and gave her two quick kisses on her cheek, "from me and daddy" she paused, glanced at Grace, added one more quick kiss, "and Sam".

She settled into bed with the girls, sitting up against the headboard with her right side pressed against Cassie's back. She cracked the book she had brought and brushed a hand over her mother's head. Though Cassie wasn't her biological mother, she'd been her mother in all the ways that count, plus a thousand more, for more years that she could count. When she brought Cassie home to her father, she had known this woman would mean more than anything to her. And she had never let her down. Life isn't fair, there is great devastating pain but also great and devastating love and Lori always felt that on gray days, she felt more great and devastating love. It brought them all together to relish in each other and their happy and sad memories.

She felt a hitch in Cassie's breathing and watched a tear track down her cheek, "Momma" she breathed. She leaned down and pressed one more lingering kiss to her mother and lightly smoothed out the wrinkles on her forehead.

Slowly she sat back up, opened to one of her favorites and spoke aloud, "Our light reading today brought to you by Walt Whitman. Our favorites." She glanced at Grace and Cassie, offered a smile to a grinning Grace, and saw the tiniest of smiles begin on Cassie's face. Content with her choice she began to read aloud. Today is a gray day, but the sun would shine soon, Lori just knew it.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Brandon opened the front door, carrying a box of albums in his arms while Tara brought in a large bouquet of flowers, fresh from Abigail's shop. George was still in the kitchen, washing dishes and putting away left overs from breakfast with the guests. Luckily the groups of guests were quiet and relaxed, no one was high maintenance right now. He wasn't sure they could all handle any of that today.

"Hey Grandpa" Brandon placed the box of albums on the counter.

"Hey Brandon, Tara. Do you need a vase?" George asked Tara as she opened the paper wrapping on the flowers.

"Yes I do, thanks. I was thinking the large purple one we normally use at Easter" Tara replied.

"How's everything going Grandpa? Have the girls been back down at all? Has mom been down?" Brandon asked, trying to get the lay of the land on how the gray day has been progressing.

George glanced up, "No unfortunately. Both the girls went up and have not returned. Cassie hasn't been down at all this morning. Lori took the Walt Whitman book up with her when she went but she asked me to send up some snacks with you when you go in. Maybe you can get your mother to eat something"

Brandon just nodded; he hated gray days. He felt so helpless, and he would do anything to fix it. Usually the girls did a better job than he did in comforting Cassie but he tried to support as much as he could.

"Any ideas on food?"

"Well Cassie did make cinnamon rolls yesterday but I thought that might not be a good idea. So maybe just some fruit and cheese"

Brandon watched his Grandfather pull out a plate he had started preparing. Yeah, Cinnamon rolls weren't a good idea being Dad's favorite and all. No point in rubbing salt in a wound.

"I think I might just stay down here a while and help George with the guests and cleaning the kitchen" Tara stated as she arranged the flowers in the purple vase. She glanced knowingly between both men; sometimes gray days meant Cassie just needed time with her kids. Brandon just nodded. "Ok, I'll try and get her to eat something and I'll take the box of albums with me" Gathering up the box and balancing the plate on top he took a deep breath and headed upstairs.

He expected to hear Lori reading Whitman when he approached the room, but everything was quiet. Wondering the state of his family he balanced the box and reached for the handle. Luckily the box wasn't too heavy and he was able to open the door on his own, and as he did he was greeted to the sight of his mother and two sisters curled together in the bed. It didn't look as though Grace or Cassie had moved in quite some time and Lori was sitting up a little further, draped across the pillows just above their heads, her arm resting on Cassie's exposed upper arm and shoulder. Whitman was still open, resting on Lori's lap, clearly having been abandoned in favor of a snuggling nap.

As he entered the room all 3 pairs of eyes watched him. He met Grace's eyes and mouthed, "has she spoken at all?" and thought he saw the slightest shake of her head. Regardless the expression in all their eyes told him the answer was no. Ok. It was an album day, he was glad he brought those. He set the box down on the rocking chair and approached the bed.

"Momma" he whispered as he leaned over Cassie and gave her two kisses, "for me and Tara". She reached up and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you. I love you" Cassie whispered, and internally all three kids smiled. The darkness seemed to be breaking and Brandon clearly understood that his sisters had done some magic up until now.

Standing back up he returned to the plate and box on the rocking chair. "I brought up a plate of cheese and fruit when you decide to eat something." Reaching into the box he pulled out one album and handed it to Lori, who, sitting up, gratefully accepted it. Making himself comfortable he pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down, kicking his feet up onto the bed. Leaning back he closed his eyes for a minute, sighing and just revealing in the strength of not only his mother, but his sisters as well. He had much of the same thought process as Lori when it came to Cassie. She was not his biological mother but she was his mother in all the ways that count. And always had been. She was the only mother that he remembered really. Since he and Lori had lost their mother when they were little, and then losing their father, their step-mother and Grandfather are the only ones left. And she was the strongest person he knew, which made the gray days so devastating.

Rubbing his hands over his face he opened his eyes again to see all three women still watching him. No one spoke as he reached into the box for his own album and Lori opened hers to begin flipping through it. Quietly Cassie closed her eyes again and both he and Lori lost themselves in childhood memories while Grace just stay snuggled up with her mother and watched everyone.

Everyone just absorbed the comfort of each other for at least the next 30 minutes. Lori and Brandon traded photo albums while Grace and Cassie stayed snuggled together. Grace could tell her mother was warming, light was returning, sometimes all it took was the comfort of each other. Cassie shifted a little and let her eyes travel slowly between all three kids, keeping a light but reassuring hand on both Grace and Lori.

Suddenly Lori bust out laughing, "Oh my goodness! I completely forgot about this photo! Oh my gosh!" She looked up quickly to Brandon. "This was when we had that mud fight because you had slipped into the mud pile and I laughed, which you didn't think was funny, and threw a huge mud ball at me for it! I was COVERED in mud. Which of course lead to a full on mud war" Lori turned the photo album around to show Brandon the photograph, which showed a sulking Brandon with Jake and Lori, everyone covered in mud, with faces of pure joy and mischief laughing loudly at the camera.

"I don't think the stains ever came out of that shirt," Brandon replied, "that was my favorite shirt!"

Lori showed the photograph to Grace and Cassie. They had all seen these photographs several times before but Grace liked to hear the stories that went with them. "Where were you mom?"

Cassie smiled a small smile and glanced at Lori.

"She was taking the picture" Lori replied, "she was pregnant with you and did NOT want to be involved in the mud fight. I think she got most of the stains out of all our shirts but those clothes forever became out muddy outdoor clothes."

"Everyone looks so happy" Grace mused and Cassie's smile grew just a little bit bigger, nodding her head in agreement.

"Do you want an album mom?" asked Brandon. Secretly he hoped she did, active participation was always better than passively listening. Cassie's eyes guarded a bit, but she shook her head yes with a small nod and soft smile.

"Here! This is the album with Grace's baby pictures in it. You guys can share that one."

After a little shifting, both Cassie and Grace sat up against the headboard, all three girls still snuggled together, but with two photo albums between them now. Quietly they all continued to flip through the albums, each smiling to themselves.

A quiet laugh escaped Cassie as she turned the page.

"Is that me?" Grace laughed "what is that face?!" The photograph depicts a baby Grace bawling, a young Brandon with a horrified expression and Jake with a very amused laughter face in the background.

Cassie nodded, "It is. You were not happy because you wanted your diaper changed and Brandon tried to calm you down, but I think he caught a whif. You can see your father in the background laughing."

"Ok you had really smelly diapers Grace" Brandon defended himself.

Cassie smiled, "so did you Brandon."

"Ha!" Grace laughed and smiled. The spell was broken and they all felt it. Cassie spoke freely about this photo for the first time in hours and they all knew the corner was turned.

"Guys" Cassie started glancing at all her children. She paused, looking down into her lap, trying to find the words. She hated these gray days too, especially as she couldn't help needing her children around. They were debilitating and, some would consider humiliating to need people around to help, but mostly they just felt draining.

"We love you mom. More than anything and you are the strongest person we know." Grace started as she laid her head on her mother's shoulder.

"Yeah Mom, I mean we lean on you for everything. Absolutely everything, you help us literally every day. To need a day of quiet lay-in surrounded by your loving and wonderful children? There's no shame in that" Lori added. Brandon just smiled and shook his head. "I don't know where we'd be without you"

Cassie just shook her head. She had the best children in the world. There wasn't really anything she could say, but she needed to try.

"I love you guys. You are my life. I just," she let out a quiet laugh, "I miss your father I guess." She sniffled and wiped her eyes.

"So do we Mom. Every day." Grace paused, unsure if she should continue, "Mom." She glanced at Lori, "Sam came by this morning and found Lori and I in the kitchen. We kind of had to explain, vaguely, you weren't available."

Cassie sighed. She knew not only that this day would come, but also that she owed both her kids and Sam an explanation. She fiddled with her hands in her lap. How was this so difficult when love should be easy? When she looked up she noticed all of her kids just sitting, and watching her. They always knew how to make her feel better, cheer her up. It didn't make the ache go away and she still missed Jake more than she could possibly explain. How do you tell your children that you love another man while still loving and missing their father? How does it all feel ok to love both men with your entire heart? How does it not feel like betrayal of someone? And how do you not only explain that to yourself, but to your children too?

Grace smiled, watching her mother struggle. "Mom." She looked at her siblings, "We know you love Sam. Heck WE love Sam" Brandon and Lori both nodded eagerly. "I'd think Dad would love Sam too". She smiled, "for many reasons but mostly because he makes you happy."

Cassie looked at Grace with awe. She knew she passed her gift to her daughter but sometimes it really did un-nerve her how much she has grown in it. She quickly glanced at Brandon and Lori, both wearing large encouraging smiles.

"You deserve it more than anyone mom" Lori said, "loving Sam doesn't mean you love Dad any less. Please don't ever think we think that either."

"You've been happy Mom. I mean you are happy, you have lead a really fulfilling life. But you've lit up even more in the past year with Sam. Something we haven't seen since Dad. But Mom, YOU are our person. The most important in the world to us, and we want you happy. Dad knows that, we know that, you just have to believe that too" Brandon shrugged

Cassie glanced around at her children. Her wonderful, beautiful, loving children, all of whom she has because of Jake. Brandon and Lori are perfect examples that family is what you make of people you love, whether you are related to them or not.

Cassie ran her fingers along Grace's cheek, then Lori's, nodded in acceptance, and pulled the girls tight against her. Brandon smiled, watching from his perch in the rocking chair.

"Feel up to eating anything?" he approached hesitantly. She turned her head, still resting on Grace's, to gaze at him. Her eyes were filled with such love he tried to show his back as best as he could.

"Maybe later. But I'd like to head downstairs I think. Go outside"

Brandon nodded his head, not surprised. Outside in the air, near her plants, was where she connected best.

"We'll go make you some more hot tea to take outside," he said as he stood to gather the mugs of tea from the night stand. He stooped to kiss her head and gently nudge Grace, "Let her get dressed Grace. We'll meet you downstairs."

Reluctantly Cassie released her girls, watched her children stack the albums in the box, and head downstairs, leaving her alone in her room once again.

Sighing she eased out of bed and went to her closet to find something comfortable but appropriate to replace her pajamas. She needed to figure this out, how to release herself from the guilt in her heart. And she owed Sam an explanation. She needed to go outside, she'd think better there and could clear her head and heart.

George and Tara watched the three children enter the kitchen quietly. It was about noon, George thought they must've done a pretty good job to be down here by noon.

George held out his arms to Lori and she walked right in, giving him a big hug.

"She loves you guys more than anything. You guys did her good this morning. She ok?" He gently probed, running a hand down Lori's back.

Lori sighed and kept quiet. It was Grace who answered. "I think so. She's struggling. She didn't talk at all for the first few hours. I think she's trying to figure out how to love them both. And make sure we're ok too," she sighed.

"I don't know how to help her," Lori muffled in George's shirt. "I just want her to be happy. Dad wants her to be happy." She heard a sniffle and turned her head. Cassie stood at the bottom of the steps wiping her eyes. She stepped to Grace and ran her hand along her back, looking at all her family members.

"I'm working on it. I promise. I'll figure it out," she sighed.

"Momma," Grace started, "You love him. Don't lose him"

Cassie nodded.

"We'll bring you tea outside if you want to go out." Brandon said gently

Cassie ran her hand down Grace's hair once more, leaned down and gave her a kiss, and grabbed her coat, heading outside looking for her favorite spot.

The leaves crunched under her boots and she zipped the sides of her coat together against the chilly, crisp breeze. She took a deep breath and let the air fill her lungs and drag the dark ache out. The breeze picked up and tossed her hair around her face, lifting her spirits and smoothing the wrinkles. She never doubted her connection to nature but in these times it was a balm like nothing else. She knew he'd come, not immediately, but soon. She was ready but would soak up the silence and solace, easing into her peace as smoothly as she could. The energy around her sparkled and sparked and she finally felt the blue hues of forgiveness, acceptance, and love, for herself. She knew she could love Jake with her entire heart for the rest of her life, because he had given her life purpose and family, and home. He had loved her first like no one had before, and that was never something that would leave her. She walked into life with Jake like an explosion, diving in head first. Love with Sam was different; more of a slow wading into the water with all of her baggage, until she was submerged, eyes wide open. She could love and respect and pay tribute to Jake through her children, their children, and grow into a life with Sam as the person she is now. A person created out of the life she'd had with Jake. He'd be there everyday, just as he had been, supporting her and pushing her to be better.

She felt him enter the garden and a small smile graced her face. She could feel his hesitation overshadowing his confidence, and she waited. He eased onto the bench next to her, resting one hand on her back, and gently sliding his other hand into hers, not saying a word. She kept her eyes closed as they leaned together, soaking up the presence of the other. Feeling the calm and clarity wash over her she turned her face to his and pressed a kiss to his lips, smiling as he kissed her back.

"Are you ready?" He asked. She nodded. She was. She was facing forward, eyes wide open, stepping into the next stage of her life, carrying her past with her.

Inside Grace leaned against the counter and watched her mom and Sam from the window. She felt it, her mom had passed into a new stage and happiness flowed fully from the garden. She couldn't help the giant smile that graced her face. They were ready. The past was not forgotten, it was celebrated, into all stages of life. That didn't mean there wouldn't be gray days, but the sun was shining. They had a new "need to know" circle member. One that would stay.

They didn't say much, just leaned together relishing in the cool breeze and the company. Sam had done some thinking this morning after he left Grey House. He knew Cassie was working up to talking so he kept silent, giving her time and space. But he thinks he has an idea of what set her off. This week was tough, he knew that, everyone was tired and as usual, Cassie gave more of herself than anyone.


	4. Chapter 4

Lori walked into the kitchen, joining Grace at the counter, watching Cassie and Sam in the Garden through the giant window over the sink. They were leaned together on the bench in Cassie's favorite spot.

"They are going to be ok," Lori commented. Grace just nodded. This was all so complicated; she understood that. Lori and Brandon probably understood it better than she did, Lord knows she's still struggling. She's only ever known her mom with her dad. Lori and Brandon knew their parents, then accepted Cassie into their lives to be with their dad, and now only have Cassie, and trying to let Sam into their lives. Grace likes Sam, she really does, but she also understands her mom's struggle, partially, from a different perspective of course.

"How did you do it?" Grace asked, bumping Lori's shoulder.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean losing your mom, gaining my mom, losing dad, gaining Sam…how do you handle accepting someone new into such an important position in your life without feeling like you're replacing someone."

Lori sighed, turning to sit at the table, Grace following her, leaving Cassie and Sam sitting together in the garden without an audience.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Sam, and I think he is great for mom, but," Grace shrugged, unable to say it.

"He isn't dad" Lori finished.

"Right"

"Honestly I don't know; other than I never, ever, thought of them as replacing someone. I loved your mom from the moment I met her. She wasn't like anyone I had ever met and she just drew me in. I gravitated toward her and she supported and loved me and never let me down. That's really all I thought about. I mean the moment I met her she was saving me from an angry dog and patching up my busted knee. She wasn't replacing my mom, just adding a parental love to my life in any way I needed. But after a while, she'd been in my life for so many years she really has been my mom. I just got two mom's I guess. And I couldn't have needed her more than when we lost dad. But I never ever questioned that she would continue to be my parent, no matter what. I guess I just think of it as adding a loving and guiding soul, and trying to feel lucky to have the opportunity to love and learn from so many different people."

Grace nodded, it was probably the best way anyone could explain it. She was shaped by the love and loss in their family, but would continue to grow with the love of others, without forgetting who they came from.

"Thanks Lori. I guess that's how I already think of him, as my adult friend and a great partner for mom. But after this morning I was thinking if they got married he'd be my step dad" she shrugged, "and then the word dad felt really weird."

Lori nodded, "yeah it is strange, but I think that's why I think Cassie grew into the role of my mom. I was younger than you though and needed a mother and she loved me unconditionally so I think it was inevitable. I think I will see Sam differently than that, more of a partner for mom instead of a dad. But still as someone who loves us and would do anything for us in this complicated and unruly world."

Grace nodded. She understood why Cassie was struggling, figuring out roles, relationships, and family positions in everyone's lives while respecting people lost from those roles. It wasn't about replacing love, it was about finding the right mindset to make the past and future merge in harmony.

They heard the front door open with Tara and Brandon emerging a minute later with boxes and bags from the Bistro.

"Stephanie sent rations," Brandon stated, laying a box filled to the brim on the table. "And this is just lunch."

"She said she's bringing dinner by later, just so we don't die of starvation," Tara added dropping her bags on the floor.

"How many people is she trying to feed?" Grace exclaimed, standing and sorting through bags, shocked at the staggering amount of food she was finding.

"You know her, she cooks when she's stressed, and gray days are always stressful. Plus she can't be here yet so she's compensating, which I, for one, am going to take advantage of," Brandon said as he dug into every container Grace was opening.

"You'd think I didn't feed him at home."

Brandon grinned through a mouth full of noodles and winked at Tara.

"Healthy appetite gives one energy for all sorts of activities my dear," he mused as she blushed, Grace and Lori exchanged a look and rolled their eyes.

"Anyone seen Mom since we left to get food?" Brandon questioned, still munching on the contents of yet another container.

Grace looked toward the kitchen window, "She and Sam were quietly sitting on the bench outside about 15 minutes ago."

Brandon paused, fork halfway to his mouth, "Sam?" he questioned, surprised Cassie was ready to talk already. This could be the fastest gray day they've had, record time actually. He glanced toward the kitchen door, streaks of sunlight filtered through the window pane but gray clouds were still hovering. Things weren't quite settled, the pot still stirred, was this the eye of the storm?


	5. Chapter 5

First of all, THANK YOU, to everyone who has just read, or read and reviewed. I am not a writer by any means but this show and story line just wouldn't leave me alone. So I appreciate the support!

Secondly, I seriously struggled with this chapter. I re-wrote it at least 10 times from different perspectives until I could get even remotely close to what I wanted. This isn't perfect, but its as close as I could get right now.

Third, I am unsure if I am going to continue this story line. It was really only ever supposed to be a one-shot but somehow it morphed. I have other ideas on continuing chapters but they don't flow quite right yet so I don't know if they will make print. This story line is so out of character for many of the characters involved that I am now having difficulty bringing them back. Plus I'm working on two other stories for Good Witch that have grasped my attention.

Fourth, I have only the utmost respect for everyone involved with Good Witch and though I wish I could also be part of that team, I am not. I am just playing with characters that have captured my attention.

Thank you again. I hope you enjoy it at least a little.

Without further adieu...

Chapter 5

They'd been sitting together for at least 20 minutes, Sam thought. Neither of them had said much and that was okay with him. He was perfectly happy just to sit with her; he knew she would talk when she was ready.

Cassie closed her eyes and leaned further into Sam as he slid his arm from around her back to her shoulders, pulling her in. He was such a solid human being, steady with silent support; she really did love him she thought. He and Jake were similar in many ways but different in just as many.

"Sam," Cassie started, lifting her head, brushing her nose against his neck to breathe in his very unique scent of coffee and bleach from sterilizing his office. She chuckled to herself, those two smells really shouldn't go together and yet they made something uniquely Sam. She supposed something like their relationship, they really shouldn't work, and yet they did, better than she could have imagined.

Sam felt her chuckle and smiled. She was quiet, and struggling, he knew but she was here and very willing to lean on him and that was the best thing he could ask for.

She started, trying to pull the words out from the fractures of her heart. She didn't need to explain, she knew that, it wasn't owing him that, but more that this may be one of the last pieces of her soul she had yet to bare and it was time, time for open arms, open hearts, and trust. Trust that with great love came great risk, risk in baring ones otherwise fiercely protected soul. Here we go.

"It would have been easier to sit around feeling bad, looking for people to blame and complain to, rehashing what I could have done to make things happen differently. Or what I would have done if I only realized before it happened. And I was angry, Sam. I was angry, devastated, and furious at the world. I had just lost my love, the first man to really understand and accept me for me in a world that hadn't been overly kind to me. I had just lost a man who represented a once-in-a-lifetime love and a piece of my heart died with him. But, I had my kids to take care of, my beautiful kids who had just lost their father. For Lori and Brandon this was the second parent to have died, how do I allow myself to feel the weight of losing Jake when the world was falling apart for my kids? I spent most of my days holding it together for them, working through my emotions by pouring everything I had into them. I grieved, I still grieve, mostly its hidden and inside my own heart and brain without an audience. Rarely it shows to the outside world, like today," She paused, sneaking a glance at their hands still lightly joined, feeling his body devoid of stress or tension, feeling concern and empathy projecting from him.

"Sometimes its something little that sets me off like seeing a sale on his shaving cream, or baking cinnamon rolls by myself in the morning hours before the sun comes up. No matter what Jake is with me, around me, here, with us, in so many ways. And I know I couldn't have gotten to this point without that. He is the first half of my journey, my first true love, the father of my children, he always will be. But Sam," She paused and shifted to face him, bringing a hand to cup his cheek, "I love you. I love you with all my heart. And I've been struggling on how that makes sense, how I handle that, how to carry my past with Jake into my future, with you, both of you holding my heart in very different ways. To me you're similar, but," She laughed, "But very, very different at the same time. And I guess I need you to know that. You are my future, my next journey and I'm ready for it. But I have baggage, and he comes with me."

She took a breath glancing toward the house, she could feel Grace searching for her, alert to changes in Cassie's emotions, and tried to project a calm exterior to her daughter. She knew Grace wouldn't go for it, her daughter was as intuitive as she was and though she'd wait, she knew her daughter would come looking for her eventually.

She looked back to Sam and started again, "I am ready to take our next step, to move forward, it is what I want. But there will be days like this when he's around more than others, when I do wake up thinking about him, and I need to know you are ok with that. For my sake, for your sake, and our kids sake. I don't want to lose you Sam, and I," she paused, uncertain. Yes she decided, it was true, "I am scared because I can't move forward without him and I don't want to move forward without you." She stopped abruptly, afraid she was saying too much but needing him to see her fear, understand her struggle and conflict.

What Sam had said at the Tarynsville festival resonated with her, she did have a lot left in her journey yet to go and though she'd never walk it alone, I mean she did have 3 fabulous kids, eventually those kids would all be involved in their own lives and her journey would change again. Her kids were her life but at some point, she wanted more, she needed more, and she had more to give, hopefully to Sam. She was committed, albeit with baggage, she was laying herself bare, trusting him and taking a chance.

Sam kissed her immediately, once, twice, three times, and rested his forehead on hers, waiting a minute to respond, gathering his thoughts. How does one express how much love he had for this woman while also expressing how ludicrous it was that she was afraid he'd leave? He would never walk away from Cassie Nightingale, ever.

He smiled and couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips. God he loved her. He laughed again and could feel her tension rising. Pulling back quickly he grasped her face in his hands.

"No, No I'm sorry. This is not in the least bit funny but hell Cassie. I'm never leaving you, or us, or our kids. I'm here babe. To stay for every miraculous day, and every day we both want to run for the hills, when we're fighting about tea and medicine, and baseball, and history and everything in between. Its an absolutely absurd thought in my brain to think I'd walk away from this, or you. So absurd its funny. My life is with you, with us, I wouldn't know how to function otherwise. Ok funny isn't the right word," shaking his head he tried to readjust, he was getting off track. But she was blushing and had a small smile that not only told him she understood but the relief was evident on her face.

"It isn't fair Cassie. Life isn't in the least bit fair. You don't deserve it. You didn't see it coming. You didn't plan for it. You have so many feelings and frustrations you don't know what to do with, or if you want to do anything at all. I've never known loss like that and I hope I never will. And I can honestly say I don't know if I could've handled any of it with half as much grace as you. I can't promise its going to be easy, I'm sure there will be days when I get frustrated, or probably feel inadequate. We are both strong minded, red-blooded people who are passionate. But I can promise you that I will always trust you to know what you need, to find me if you need my support and to tell me when you need space. I promise to beg for forgiveness when I need it for doing something stupid and trust your intuition at all times. I love you Cassie, we both have our baggage, and lord knows you've dealt with mine in more ways than one. I'm here for you in any way you need. I know he's your past and honestly, I can only thank him for loving you as much as he did, for helping you find your home in Middleton, for Grace and Lori and Brandon, and for being apart of you. Because I love you Cassie. All of you. And he's apart of you. I just wish I could thank him for that."

Cassie couldn't thank the universe enough for this dear, sweet, and very understanding man. A man who not only loved her, but loved her enough to see her grieve her husband years later and understand that it didn't diminish their own relationship, only strengthen it. And for that, she could only love him more. She closed her eyes for just a second, sighing deeply and trying to let the quiet soothe her soul.

"Actually I wish I could've met Jake. I have a feeling I would've liked him."

"You would've. And Jake would've liked you. You both have such caring, beautiful, committed, and protective souls."

"You good? Are we good?"

She nodded vigorously, brushing her nose against his, "We couldn't be better Sam."

"I'm pretty sure your children are watching us from the kitchen window," Sam smiled as he said it.

Cassie smiled and chuckled, imagining the faces of her precious children pressed against the glass, intently trying to read her mood based on her body language.

"I'm sure they are, they are hovering, and just concerned. I could feel Grace earlier and I tried to reassure her but everyone's a bit punchy today," Cassie replied after a quick glance at the kitchen window, no children in sight except the very end of Grace's ponytail as she quickly turned away from the window. Yes, she was absolutely sure they were watching them.

Suddenly the back door opened and Grace stepped out, dressed in walking boots and a jacket, Cassie could see Lori shrugging into her coat behind Grace and Brandon fussing with containers on the kitchen counter.

"Mom?" Grace slowly advanced on her mother and Sam, who were still seated together, grasping hands, trying to read them both.

"Its ok honey," she glanced at Sam and smiled, "We're ok." She released one of Sam's hands to reach for Grace, offering her reassurance as Grace glanced back and forth between them, still gauging the situation. Grace reached for Sam's now free hand too, completing their triangle. Yes, she thought, they were ok, stressed and tired, but calm and content.

"Lori and I wanted to know if you wanted to go for a walk?" Grace asked, not able to look away from them for fear that it was all a rouse. On cue Cassie heard Lori close the back door, striding toward them with purpose.

"That sounds wonderful," Cassie agreed. Squeezing Sam's hand, "do you want to come Sam?"

He smiled at her, "No I think this is a walk for you guys on your own," he looked Cassie in the eye, "But I'll be here when you get back," reassuring her, "I'll be right here."

She nodded and smiled, looking at Sam, then Lori, and Grace.

She closed her eyes for just a minute, silently revealing in and thanking the universe for her family, _**all**_ of them. She felt the soft swirling of energy surrounding her, filling her, pulsing, and knowing he was present, she pushed up and stepped to the girls, holding Sam's hand for one last second before releasing him but both of them with her, combining her past love with her present; steadily. Just steady.


End file.
